By Dr. Maria A. Staropoli-Hafner, Psy.D., licensed psychologist specializing in anxiety, OCD, and high-functioning adults
You did everything right. The degree, the interviews, and the job you thought would make it all click into place. From the outside, it looks like it worked. Inside, you are running on empty.
You wake up every morning thinking about work. Small requests land heavier than they should. Sunday evenings come with a familiar knot. Even off the clock, your mind is still replaying the day or bracing for the next one. Underneath it all is a question you have not yet dared to ask out loud: Why does this feel so disappointing when it is what I always wanted?
Burnout can happen at any stage, but it is especially disorienting when, by every visible measure, you are doing well. Admitting that you are struggling can feel ungrateful and raise harder questions about the path you have committed to.
Burnout is more than having a difficult week
The World Health Organization describes burnout as an occupational phenomenon arising from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed. It commonly involves exhaustion, growing distance or negativity toward work, and a reduced sense of professional effectiveness.
You might still meet deadlines and receive positive feedback while experiencing burnout. High achievers are often skilled at maintaining their performance long after their emotional and physical energy have begun to decline. Because you continue to function, the people around you may have no idea how difficult each day has become.
Common signs include:
- Feeling depleted before the workday begins
- Struggling to concentrate on tasks that once felt manageable
- Becoming detached, irritable, or cynical at work
- Constantly checking messages during evenings, weekends, or time off
- Feeling guilty whenever you are not being productive
- Questioning your abilities despite strong performance
- Losing interest in relationships or activities outside of work
Persistent workplace stress can also contribute to headaches, poor sleep, muscle tension, and digestive issues.
Why success has not brought the satisfaction you expected
A dream job often represents more than a salary or title. It can reflect years of preparation and the future you imagined for yourself. When the experience falls short of those expectations, you may feel a sense of loss while still trying to keep up with the demands of the role.
Some workplaces have unreasonable workloads or cultures that reward constant availability. Other jobs provide little autonomy, support, or recognition. At times, the work simply differs from what you expected. A position can look ideal on paper while offering little connection to the parts of the field that originally interested you.
The pressure to prove that you belong
Early-career roles involve uncertainty. You are learning how the workplace operates while trying to establish a professional identity. When you are surrounded by more experienced colleagues, it is easy to assume that everyone else knows exactly what they are doing.
If achievement has always helped you feel capable or secure, slowing down can feel threatening. You may compensate by overpreparing, taking on extra work, or avoiding questions. Saying no feels risky because you do not want to appear incapable, and ordinary feedback can feel like evidence that you are falling behind.
Perfectionism can also make rest feel like something you need to earn, yet the finish line keeps moving. A completed project brings brief relief before your attention shifts to the next expectation. Over time, your career becomes organized around preventing failure instead of pursuing work that feels meaningful.
You do not have to make an immediate career decision
When you are exhausted, leaving your job can seem like the only way to feel better. For some people, changing roles or workplaces is an important part of recovery. Others find that clearer boundaries, different expectations, or new ways of responding to pressure make their current position more manageable.
You do not need to determine the course of your career while depleted. A more useful starting point is understanding what is actually driving the burnout. Is the workload consistently unreasonable? Are you pressuring yourself to perform beyond what the role requires? Have work demands taken over the time you once gave to friendships, interests, and rest? Those questions are difficult to answer alone, particularly when you are too tired to think clearly about them.
Therapy can help you build a healthier relationship with work
Therapy gives you room to examine the patterns that keep the cycle going — and to change them without upending your life first.
With more than 20 years of clinical experience, Dr. Maria Staropoli-Hafner helps high-achieving young adults address anxiety, perfectionism, and workplace pressure. Her work draws on two complementary approaches.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy targets the underlying beliefs behind overwork. Together you identify all-or-nothing thinking, test whether your expectations of yourself are realistic, and practice setting limits without treating them as professional failure.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy addresses what happens next. Knowing a boundary is reasonable does not make it comfortable to hold. There is the guilt of leaving at a reasonable hour, the anxiety of a slower response time, the fear of being seen as less committed. Rather than waiting for that discomfort to disappear, ACT teaches you to make room for it and act anyway, guided by what you actually value. Much of this work is clarifying what matters most to you, then building a life that reflects it, including at work.
This is also what makes ACT useful for the question you may have arrived with. Whether to stay or go is not only a practical calculation — it is a question about what you want your life to look like. Getting clear on that first tends to make the decision itself far less agonizing. A successful career should leave room for relationships, interests, rest, and a sense of self beyond professional achievement.
Dr. Staropoli-Hafner provides in-person therapy in Ridgewood, New Jersey, as well as virtual sessions for residents of New Jersey and PSYPACT-participating states. Consultations are available at no cost through Total Insight Psychotherapy Services.
Frequently asked questions
How do I know whether I am burned out or simply unhappy with my job?
Burnout usually includes ongoing exhaustion, detachment from work, and a reduced sense of effectiveness. Job dissatisfaction often centers more specifically on the role, workplace, or responsibilities. The two experiences frequently overlap, and therapy can help you identify which factors are affecting you.
Can I experience burnout if I still perform well at work?
Yes. Many high achievers continue meeting expectations while privately feeling depleted. Strong performance does not mean that the current pace or pressure is sustainable.
Do I need to leave my job to recover from burnout?
Not always. Recovery sometimes involves changing jobs, but it can also include adjusting boundaries, expectations, workload, or patterns of perfectionism. Exploring the causes of burnout can help you make a more informed decision.
Can burnout cause anxiety or depression?
Burnout is classified as an occupational phenomenon rather than a medical diagnosis. However, some of its symptoms overlap with anxiety and depression. A psychologist can assess the full picture and recommend appropriate support.
By Dr. Maria A. Staropoli-Hafner, Psy.D.
She earned her doctorate (Psy.D.) in School Psychology from Rutgers University and uses evidence-based approaches including CBT, ACT, and mindfulness-based techniques. Dr. Staropoli-Hafner is PSYPACT certified and has advanced training in the treatment of trichotillomania and skin-picking disorders.
References
American Psychological Association. (2024, June 13). APA poll finds younger workers feel stressed, lonely and undervalued at work. https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2024/06/younger-workers-stressed
Curran, T., & Hill, A. P. (2019). Perfectionism is increasing over time: A meta-analysis of birth cohort differences from 1989 to 2016. Psychological Bulletin, 145(4), 410–429. https://doi.org/10.1037/bul0000138
Maslach, C., & Leiter, M. P. (2016). Understanding the burnout experience: Recent research and its implications for psychiatry. World Psychiatry, 15(2), 103–111. https://doi.org/10.1002/wps.20311
World Health Organization. (2019, May 28). Burn-out an occupational phenomenon: International Classification of Diseases. https://www.who.int/news/item/28-05-2019-burn-out-an-occupational-phenomenon-international-classification-of-diseases